Monday, April 16, 2012

Motherhood is NOT for the Faint of Heart

One of the most traumatic experiences with Natalie yet!

We walked to the grocery store a little over 2 miles away this morning. We have done this quite a few times, it's good exercise for me and Natalie enjoys walks, quietly taking in the scenery.

About 3/4 mile before we got home, it randomly started pouring (even though the sun was still out!), so I ducked into the steak n shake we were passing and thought I would wait it out while eating a burger. I hadn't had one in quite a while, so I thought the stop would be a welcome treat.

I am seated, order my burger, notice Natalie making faces like she might start to fuss, so I undo the blanket on her lap to pick her up- and notice her whole right side is soaked with poop from her waist up to her arm pit. Lovely. I go to the bathroom and thank heavens, they had a changing table! (I once had to change her on a Publix bathroom floor on a spread out newspaper bc there was no table...) As soon as I lay her down, she begins to cry. No, not cry. What's a more extreme synonym? Screech? Howl? Wail? Anyway, so she's making frikkin' unbelievably loud noise. Of course I hav to pull off her onsie, getting poop all over her face and arm. I run out of wipes and have to start using paper towels (thank goodness the bathroom had towels and not a hand dryer). Everything I do seems to escalate her crying. Finally she is mostly clean of poop and in nothing but a diaper. I pick her up and head back to my table, thinking that she will stop crying when I leave the bathroom and she has fun stuff to look at. No, no, no. She continues to scream. Fortunately, there is only one other table of customers, who promptly leave. It's a slow time, so many employees are sitting around, staring at me as if I am tearing off my child's fingers. I have nothing to put the poopy onsie in, so I just stick it on the tray of the stroller. My food comes. I shush her. I pat her. She screams and screams and screams. The manager comes over to pleasantly offer some comfort, but soon leaves me alone, realizing that this child is waaaaay too would up for his efforts. Finally I just drape the poopy blanket over me and offer her the boob- this works. I begin to eat my fries while Natalie nurses. Suddenly, she gets the air bubble from Hell stick in her poor little tummy and begins to scream again. I pat her and bounce her until she lets loose a deep, echoing belch. The server sitting at the empty booth in the corner laughs. Natalie then smiles and lays cooing on the bench and sucks her pacifier while I eat my burger. Ahhhh, thinks the unknowing Mom, now she's gonna be good for the rest of our time here. Natalie senses that mom is becoming relaxed. Cannot let this happen. Natalie spits he pacifier up in the air, it falls on the floor under the booth and bounces out of site. Then she begins to scream again, just as earnestly as when she first started up. I look under the booth, even get down on all fours and duck my head nearly touching the disgusting floor, but it is nowhere to be found. I put her in her stroller and get up to pay, just trying my best to pretend that I am not pushing a baby who is screaming so loud that I could not hear what the cashier was saying to me. Realizing that the rest of the way home will bring about evil eyes from passing drivers if she continues to cry like this, I ask for help retireving her pacifier. The cashier very kidly lifts a few of the bench cushions to help me find it. I dip it in my water glass, wipe it with my used napkin and pop it in Natalie's mouth. She immediatly stops crying, slouches over and falls asleep. I walk out of the restaurant in deisbelief of her amazing timing. Several people I pass on the sidewalk stare at me strangely. Maybe because my baby is in nothing but a diaper? Whatever.

Got home and instead of giving her a bath, I just left her sleeping in her poopy blanket.

I have absolute sympathy for mothers who drink.

On a positive note, she slept 7 hours last night and I got $50 worth of groceries at Kroger for $9.42. Unfortunatley, the frutsration from this ecperiences eclipses both of those happy details.

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